{"id":32506,"date":"2023-05-15T07:49:37","date_gmt":"2023-05-15T11:49:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/healthymindsphilly.org\/?p=32506"},"modified":"2023-04-30T09:53:17","modified_gmt":"2023-04-30T13:53:17","slug":"tips-for-helping-aapi-parents-talk-about-mental-health","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healthymindsphilly.org\/dev\/blog\/tips-for-helping-aapi-parents-talk-about-mental-health\/","title":{"rendered":"Tips for Helping AAPI Parents Talk About Mental Health"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">*Content warning: Contains disclosure of behaviors of self-harm.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cYou are too much! And you talk too much!\u201d was what I was told as a child when I expressed my feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My parents emigrated from the Philippines and wanted the best for their six children: rigorous education, fine clothing, and a spacious home. They were advised by the pediatrician not to teach us their native language, warning it would cause confusion. I pinpoint this advice as the cause for our home\u2019s emotional deficiency. It created a dynamic of tense silences, suspicion, and rivalries about everything from chores to college choices. My siblings were not my allies or advocates. I was intimidated, ruled over, and ridiculed.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It was a priority to maintain appearances of mastery and stoicism, even interpersonally. When I would be overwhelmed with run-of-the-mill developmental anxieties such as the first day of school, there was no vocabulary for this. Make no mistake, my parents were loving and expressive. For me this looked like being spoon-fed by my father until first grade and through shopping trips with my mother. Their care was concrete and lavish.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When it came to mental and emotional health, however, things were compartmentalized: If I wanted to stay home from school because of test anxiety,\u00a0 I was said to be \u201cfaking it\u201d unless I had a fever. Or my itchy skin patches were treated with steroid cream when really I just hated being ridiculed for \u201cbeing so sensitive.\u201d There had to be somatic proof. Sometimes this led to self-harm: scratching to the point of bleeding or abusing sleeping pills. It was a painful cycle.\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The self-harm or cycle is preventable. It can be interrupted. How?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>1. Understand intergenerational trauma.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Intergenerational trauma is the transmission of racial distress from parent to child. It is usually unspoken. For example, a child can feel sad and scared watching her father place an order at McDonald&#8217;s or trying to help grandmother schedule a doctor\u2019s appointment due to language barriers. These examples do not seem to be traumatic. However, they can be profoundly overwhelming.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>2. Regularly discuss internalized oppression.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Internalized oppression is self-hatred due to perceived racial inferiority. This is an effect of colonization, enslavement, and white-centering\/white supremacy. Notice how your child idolizes people with whom they are in stark contrast: \u201cI see that you adore Rapunzel\u2019s golden hair, but I adore your black tresses.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>3. Normalize identifying racism.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Identify racism. There can be a myth within the AAPI community that, because Asians are perceived as white-adjacent, racism does not occur. Parents\/caregivers must call things what they are. It empowers children to know about microaggressions and how to handle them resiliently.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>4. Frequently ask: Is this developmentally appropriate?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Define suffering and sacrifice in terms that make sense to your child. It is commonly said, \u201cMy parents have sacrificed so much for me to have a better life, so I must also sacrifice.\u201d This is harmful because the term \u201csacrifice\u201d is weighty and not proportional to a developing child\u2019s understanding. Help your child create a small, manageable world in which they can flourish.\u00a0 Identify and praise their effort and growth, however small.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">About the Author: Maria Beatty completed Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Training and booster training under Yale Medical School\u2019s Carrie Epstein, MA, as well as Completed Cognitive Behavioral Intervention for Trauma in Schools Plus Racial Trauma Module by the Center for Safe and Resilient Schools under Won Fong Lau-Johnson, Ph.D. and Audra Langely, Ph.D. This spring will mark her three year work-a-versary at Hall Mercer.\u00a0 <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>*Content warning: Contains disclosure of behaviors of self-harm.\u00a0 \u201cYou are too much! And you talk too much!\u201d was what I was told as a child when I expressed my feelings. My parents emigrated from the Philippines and wanted the best for their six children: rigorous education, fine clothing, and a spacious home. They were advised by the pediatrician not to teach us their native language, warning it would cause confusion. I pinpoint this advice as the cause for our home\u2019s emotional deficiency. It created a dynamic of tense silences, suspicion,  [&#8230;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":32507,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[972,716],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-32506","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health","category-racial-equality"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Asian American Mental Health and AAPI Culture in Philadelphia<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Asian American Mental Health and AAPI Culture in Philadelphia\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"*Content warning: Contains disclosure of behaviors of self-harm.\u00a0 \u201cYou are too much! And you talk too much!\u201d was what I was told as a child when I expressed my feelings. My parents emigrated from the Philippines and wanted the best for their six children: rigorous education, fine clothing, and a spacious home. They were advised by the pediatrician not to teach us their native language, warning it would cause confusion. I pinpoint this advice as the cause for our home\u2019s emotional deficiency. 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