{"id":14727,"date":"2019-09-10T13:50:25","date_gmt":"2019-09-10T13:50:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dbhids2021.wpengine.com\/?p=14727"},"modified":"2024-02-21T10:25:12","modified_gmt":"2024-02-21T15:25:12","slug":"how-to-talk-to-a-suicide-loss-survivor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healthymindsphilly.org\/dev\/blog\/how-to-talk-to-a-suicide-loss-survivor\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk to a Suicide Loss Survivor"},"content":{"rendered":"

Talking to someone who has lost a loved one to suicide is challenging to say the least. It presents challenges beyond the discomfort we commonly feel in the presence of grief. Despite our hearts being in the right place, the eagerness to comfort someone may mistakenly cause us to say something hurtful. The fear of compounding the loss survivor\u2019s pain by saying the wrong thing may cause us to avoid those who are grieving.<\/p>\n

Let them know about the Suicide Loss Support Groups<\/a> that happen throughout the month in our area. And below are some tips from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention<\/a> on navigating conversations with suicide loss survivors in a kind, thoughtful, and responsible way:<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what to say, but I\u2019m here for you.\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n

Suicide loss is complicated, devastating, dumbfounding. There are no easy answers and no easy fixes. Be a patient, nonjudgmental listener. Be a safe place for the loss survivor to give voice to their anger, frustration, fear, relief, sadness, or any other emotion they may feel. \u00a0Or just be there with them \u2013 the reassuring presence of someone who cares may offer a lot of solace.<\/p>\n

Refrain from saying, \u201cI understand what you\u2019re going through.\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n

Because suicide loss is not like other losses, you cannot truly understand how the loss survivor is feeling. That\u2019s okay, and it\u2019s okay to acknowledge as much, too \u2013 it shows that you recognize the complexity of the loss survivor\u2019s grief and helps keep the conversation open.<\/p>\n

Do not ask intrusive questions about how the person died. <\/strong><\/p>\n

If the loss survivor does not bring up the suicide method, assume they would prefer not to talk about it. If they do mention how their loved one died, do not ask for details beyond those that the loss survivor volunteers. On the other hand, you don\u2019t have to avoid the subject of the death altogether. Instead, offer a no-pressure invitation to talk: Are there things about the death that the person who\u2019s grieving would like to talk about? If not, let them know you are there to listen if they ever do want to talk.<\/p>\n

Avoid pat advice and hurtful clich\u00e9s. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Other than reminding the suicide loss survivor to take care of their basic self-care needs (getting rest, getting exercise, eating nutritiously), avoid direct advice-giving; there is no one right or wrong way to cope with a suicide loss. In addition, if there are any children who are affected by the suicide death<\/a>, it is up to the loss survivors closest to them to determine what to tell them, how to tell them, and when. \u00a0Refrain from offering unsolicited advice such as, \u201cThey are too young to hear about such a death,\u201c or, \u201cJust say it was an accident.\u201d<\/p>\n

Remember, too, that some of the common phrases we reach for when expressing our sympathies \u2013 \u201cShe\u2019s in a better place,\u201d \u201cEverything happens for a reason,\u201d \u201cYou are never given more than you can handle,\u201d and \u201cYou\u2019ll get over it\u201d \u2013 may be hurtful in that they minimize the magnitude and nature of the suicide loss survivor\u2019s grief.<\/p>\n

Do not place value judgments on the suicide. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Do not refer to the suicide as a selfish choice, a sin, an act of weakness, or a lack of faith or love or strength.<\/p>\n

Do not assign or imply blame.<\/strong><\/p>\n

In trying to answer the question of why, suicide loss survivors often place blame on themselves. Be careful not to say things or ask questions that might suggest they\u2019re responsible for the suicide, whether directly or indirectly: Was there something they did to upset the person? Something they didn\u2019t do? Did they miss any warning signs<\/a>? Did they fail to take the signs seriously? These questions may feed the fears, regrets, and self-recriminations that the loss survivor is already struggling with or, worse, introduce new ones at this already fraught time.<\/p>\n

Be proactive about offering help.<\/strong><\/p>\n

People often find it hard to ask for help, or may not even know what kind of help they might benefit from, especially in the shock of the early days following a suicide loss. For that reason, a simple, \u201cLet me know if you need anything\u201d may not suffice. Offer help repeatedly and specifically. What everyday things that might be adding stress can you help with in the short term? Does the loss survivor need help running errands or picking up the kids from school? Would they like someone to just sit with them for a while? Making concrete suggestions shows that your offer to help is genuine, and will make it easier for the loss survivor to accept.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be afraid to talk about the person who died.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Say their name as you would after any other loss. Give the loss survivor an opportunity to reminisce with you about the person they loved.<\/p>\n

Be patient.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t place a timeline on the loss survivor\u2019s grief; healing after a suicide loss is a lifelong journey. Well-intended though they may be, frequently heard phrases such as \u201cThis too shall pass,\u201d and \u201cYou need to move on\u201d can make the loss survivor feel pressured to \u201cget over it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t disappear.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Remember that the weeks and months following the funeral, when the initial shock wears off and the full reality of what has happened sinks in, may be the toughest for the loss survivor. Continue to check in with them, let them know you are thinking of them, and that you\u2019re there for them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Talking to someone who has lost a loved one to suicide is challenging to say the least. It presents challenges beyond the discomfort we commonly feel in the presence of grief. Despite our hearts being in the right place, the eagerness to comfort someone may mistakenly cause us to say something hurtful. The fear of compounding the loss survivor\u2019s pain by saying the wrong thing may cause us to avoid those who are grieving. Let them know about the Suicide Loss Support Groups that happen throughout the month in our […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[724,778,706,692],"tags":[877,879],"class_list":["post-14727","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-awareness","category-depression","category-suicide-prevention","category-support","tag-suicide-loss","tag-support-groups"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Talk to a Suicide Loss Survivor - Healthy Minds Philly\u00ae<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Talk to a Suicide Loss Survivor - Healthy Minds Philly\u00ae\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Talking to someone who has lost a loved one to suicide is challenging to say the least. 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