What are pronouns?
Pronouns are words we use to describe ourselves and others. Examples of pronouns include: She, he, they, him, his, hers, ours, and them.
Why are pronouns important?
Beyond the words, pronouns are a chance to describe ourselves as we are. For many people, our names are given to us by our parents or caregivers. When we choose pronouns, we get the chance to make a choice for ourselves. When we use the correct pronouns, we show someone appreciation and respect. And when we do not use the right pronouns, we may hurt someone’s feelings and make them feel like we don’t like or understand them.
How do I ask someone what their pronouns are?
If you are nervous about asking someone what their pronouns are, that is okay. When you meet a new person and say your name, try saying what your pronouns are and then asking what theirs are. Example: “My name is Kelly Wallace and I use he/him/his pronouns, what is your name and what pronouns do you use?”
Other Ways to Ask.
- “What pronouns do you use?”
- “How would you like me to refer to you?”
- “What pronouns would you like me to address you by?”
- “Can you please remind me of what pronouns you use?”
What do I do if I say the wrong pronouns?
Making a mistake is normal, we all make mistakes. When you say the wrong pronouns to someone, apologize directly to the person and make it small and simple. If the person is upset that is normal. Be respectful and acknowledge your mistake. If someone else corrects you, try not to be mad. They are trying to help.
Example: “I am sorry I meant (correct pronoun here).”
Things to remember for family, friends, teachers, and the community
- Pronouns do change.
- Pronouns sometimes do not define gender identity or expression.
- Keeping an open mind and heart is the easiest way to show kindness.
How do I learn more?
Search for LGBTQIA+ resources in your area, or ask a supportive friend or family member for support.
Resources:
- Covenant House Pennsylvania – Is both a shelter and a safe community space. A safe and inviting space for kids dealing with issues of homelessness and physical or mental abuse.
- PFLAG – Philadelphia home of the Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbian and Gays (PFLAG)
- Gender Affirming Resource Guide | Mazzoni Center – Also called the Philadelphia Trans Resource Guide, this document offers supportive materials for gender nonconforming, genderqueer, and transgender-identifying individuals and their families.
- William Way Community Center – The center is a place where people can learn more about the LGBTQ community and where LGBTQ people can communicate and learn more about each other.
About the Author: Kelly Wallace is a professional counselor, marriage and family Therapist, adjunct professor and doctoral candidate at Drexel University. He also works to reduce the global stigma around gender, gender identity, sexuality, and sexual orientation.
